Trials

This past Thursday Zach and I went to have our 10 week check up on our little baby...and I am very sad to say that things didn't work out the way that we had planned. The Doctor told us that there was no heartbeat and that we would be having a miscarriage. I was trying to be strong in the room as he told us what was going to happen and what our options were but I wasn't as strong as I thought that I would be. In the past 10 weeks I have grown to love this little baby of mine and I was so excited to be a mommy. I have had a feeling from the very beginning that something was wrong but I just kept telling myself that it was the pessimist in me and that I needed to remain positive after all there are only about 20% of all women that this happens to and I though for sure I would not be one of them...I was completely wrong. In our family prayers we have been praying for our baby that it would grow strong and healthy and that everything would be ok with it, we also prayed that if it wasn't we would be strong enough to handle this trial that has been put before us and that we would feel comfort through out. We had a family friend tell me that even though I won't be able to raise this little guy here he will be there for me to raise in the next life and I know that that is so true and I can't wait for the day to come when Zach and I will be able to meet our first little baby. I know that I will never be able to fully understand the reasoning behind all of this while I am here on this earth but I know that I will become stronger because of my faith and that one day I will understand. I am thankful for the knowledge that I have that I am part of an eternal family and one day we will all be able to be together and we will be so happy and I am just so thankful for my trials as hard as they may seem I know that I am not alone through this and everything will be fine I just have to be patient and understand that there is a plan for me and I have accepted that long before now I just need to keep my faith strong and everything will be ok.

1 Year!!!

Wow how fast does time fly? I am amazed that it has been a full year already. Zach and I were married last May and it was the best day of my life. I love being married and I am so thankful for Zach he is a wonderful guy and takes good care of me. I am sure that we both had an idea as to how our first anniversary would have gone and I am sure that it didn't include this wonderful day being the same day that we lost our little baby. We spent the weekend in Wendover watching Bridger play in a baseball tournament. We stayed in the Rainbow hotel/casino and it was fantastic! In our room there was a table that had been duck taped together our door to get into the room had a crack down the whole length of the door and along one side of the room there were mirrors across the length of the room and from the ceiling to the floor, it was great and a weekend I am sure that we will never forget! Zach and I have grown so close to each other over the past year it has been great and I am so thankful for him and his love and support. I hope he knows how much I appreciate him and that I love him so very much! Happy 1 year honey!!